How will I know if I’ve lived a good life?

Three years publishing this magazine has brought me into—and out of—existential crisis

I founded Latterly around the same time I got married. That was two countries ago. It was a baby ago. It was a president ago. I was 26 then. I’m 29 now. I can’t tell if I’m closer to the end or closer to the beginning.

But it’s got me thinking about all kinds of strange things. When I started working on this essay two weeks ago, it was a straightforward reflection on the magazine. It’s become something else. I hope it’s useful to someone.

If you don’t know what Latterly is, let me tell you that first. It's a news magazine, launched three years ago Saturday, that publishes quarterly print and web editions on human rights, politics and conflict from an international perspective. Our audience is very small but very loyal. Our writers are also loyal, even though we pay them so little. Sometimes we pay them nothing. Revenue is low: We earn just enough to cover printing, shipping and web fees.

Latterly presents a problem for me because it’s the thing I do that I’m most proud of doing, and yet it’s the only thing that doesn’t give me any income. Fine, so it’s a hobby, right?